Let’s redefine this,

Redefining rape and consent.

We all know and maybe have a standard definition of what it means to be abused sexually, and from this definition, we form our opinions. However, it proves vital to look at the real meaning of this word because whether we know it or not there is more to it than just being taken to a dark room by a weird-looking person and then him forcing himself on you. There is more to it than just being lured into the bushes and being molested, there is certainly more to it than being drugged and finding yourself naked in an unknown location.

Gone are the days where we had to see tattered clothes for us to assert that rape has taken place. And in these recent days even seeing blood may not be proof enough that an act of sexual abuse took place. This being beside the point, it goes without saying that there is more to it. In this case one needs to know that there are various forms of rape and sexual abuse where some may go unnoticed by the victim, this to say that you may not be able to tell that you were raped.

The number one form is where there was consent yet the victim was bound and it is commonly known as the acquaintance rape. This is a clear case of, “it is either you do it or this and this will happen”, with this type of sexual abuse, the perpetrator would claim that he/she had consent yet the victim was in no position to say no. A good example would be this, a boy and a girl/lady find themselves in a lonely place together and immediately for one the idea is to have sex. The girl does not want to but because her boyfriend says so, she is confused about whether to give in or not and before she knows it, everything has already happened but she has no idea what exactly transpired.

Just because there was consent or just because you were coerced into it does not make it less of a sexual offense. You were raped and had no idea it was even rape. Most of the time the victims of this kind of rape have no idea that just because there was prior consent then they cannot say no. Remember that sexual consent can be revoked anytime. And to make it more palatable, just because you started it does not mean that you have to go all the way. If the deal was to just make out and he took it all the way, then most definitely that was rape.

The second one would be the marital type of rape which is closely related to the latter form. It happens between two married people. This could be a bit bewildering but it is most certainly true.  Many would argue that the two are married and so there is every right for either of them to demand sex at any given time regardless of any circumstance. However, looking back at the standard definition of rape; the act of forcing sexual intercourse upon another person without his or her consent or against his or her will, there is a clear indication that irrespective of you being in a marriage, If your spouse takes or has sex with you without your consent, that is still rape which is, by all means, a great offense punishable by the law. Nobody whatsoever has the right over your body and better still over your sexuality.

The 3rd form is the incest form of rape. It is a sexual offense on its own both legally and morally and most times, it is still a regarded as rape. Since this form of sexual practice happens either between parents and children, uncles and nieces/nephews, or between aunts and nieces/nephews, then it can still be a form of rape. The law which varies between different states, most times punishes the perpetrators with rape charges. It is to be noted that family members account for 7% of all rape cases.

Rape may take many other forms but regardless there is a need for every victim to understand that it was never their fault but that of the rapist.

Never blame yourself for what happened.


  1. It should be a clear yes
  2. It is subject to change( just because the person consented to it one time does not mean that it will always be like that)
  3. It should be enthusiastic.
  4. It should be not be forced, i.e. It should be freely given.
  5. It should not be assumed.