Let’s redefine this,

Redefining rape and consent.

We all know and maybe have a standard definition of what it means to be abused sexually, and from this definition, we form our opinions. However, it proves vital to look at the real meaning of this word because whether we know it or not there is more to it than just being taken to a dark room by a weird-looking person and then him forcing himself on you. There is more to it than just being lured into the bushes and being molested, there is certainly more to it than being drugged and finding yourself naked in an unknown location.

Gone are the days where we had to see tattered clothes for us to assert that rape has taken place. And in these recent days even seeing blood may not be proof enough that an act of sexual abuse took place. This being beside the point, it goes without saying that there is more to it. In this case one needs to know that there are various forms of rape and sexual abuse where some may go unnoticed by the victim, this to say that you may not be able to tell that you were raped.

The number one form is where there was consent yet the victim was bound and it is commonly known as the acquaintance rape. This is a clear case of, “it is either you do it or this and this will happen”, with this type of sexual abuse, the perpetrator would claim that he/she had consent yet the victim was in no position to say no. A good example would be this, a boy and a girl/lady find themselves in a lonely place together and immediately for one the idea is to have sex. The girl does not want to but because her boyfriend says so, she is confused about whether to give in or not and before she knows it, everything has already happened but she has no idea what exactly transpired.

Just because there was consent or just because you were coerced into it does not make it less of a sexual offense. You were raped and had no idea it was even rape. Most of the time the victims of this kind of rape have no idea that just because there was prior consent then they cannot say no. Remember that sexual consent can be revoked anytime. And to make it more palatable, just because you started it does not mean that you have to go all the way. If the deal was to just make out and he took it all the way, then most definitely that was rape.

The second one would be the marital type of rape which is closely related to the latter form. It happens between two married people. This could be a bit bewildering but it is most certainly true.  Many would argue that the two are married and so there is every right for either of them to demand sex at any given time regardless of any circumstance. However, looking back at the standard definition of rape; the act of forcing sexual intercourse upon another person without his or her consent or against his or her will, there is a clear indication that irrespective of you being in a marriage, If your spouse takes or has sex with you without your consent, that is still rape which is, by all means, a great offense punishable by the law. Nobody whatsoever has the right over your body and better still over your sexuality.

The 3rd form is the incest form of rape. It is a sexual offense on its own both legally and morally and most times, it is still a regarded as rape. Since this form of sexual practice happens either between parents and children, uncles and nieces/nephews, or between aunts and nieces/nephews, then it can still be a form of rape. The law which varies between different states, most times punishes the perpetrators with rape charges. It is to be noted that family members account for 7% of all rape cases.

Rape may take many other forms but regardless there is a need for every victim to understand that it was never their fault but that of the rapist.

Never blame yourself for what happened.


  1. It should be a clear yes
  2. It is subject to change( just because the person consented to it one time does not mean that it will always be like that)
  3. It should be enthusiastic.
  4. It should be not be forced, i.e. It should be freely given.
  5. It should not be assumed.

Understanding gender roles and sexuality in Africa ( Sex Ed: part 2)

Most of the sexual and or sexuality related conflicts we face today originated from the general misconception of the topic of discussion “sex”.



Ancient theories and ideologies about sexuality, circled around the power of
dreams, the individual as a sexual being, the power of self cultivation and
processes of essentialism.
Although the concept of sexuality can be dated back to our ancestors, who laid
much emphasis on the care of self and the act of procreation, emerging
population and health concerns have led to the re-thinking and re-identification of
the relationship between sexuality and human activity and behaviour.
Invariably, the concept of sexuality has undergone many changes within the past
forty years. The emergence of the sexual revolution has also impacted greatly on
sexual orientations, patriarchy, sexual relations, family formations and
In recent times, the youth who constitute ages 10-24 and 36.7 per cent of the
Nigerian population, are found to be highly vulnerable to antisocial behaviours
such as violent crimes, unsafe sexual activities and drug abuse among others.
The Nigerian Association for the Promotion of Adolescent Health and
Development, (NAPAHD) has also alerted that, an hospital based research has
shown that, 80 per cent of patients with abortion complications are adolescents.
This assertion was based on the fact that, over 16 per cent of teenage females
reported first sexual intercourse by age 15 while 8.3 per cent of boys of age 15
have also had their first encounters. This adolescents’ health dilemma has been
attributed to their great lack of information and knowledge about the implications
of their population behaviour on their sexual health and the general welfare of the
nation. In this vain the introduction and institutionalisation of sexuality education
became one of the immediate efforts made to address this problem to create
awareness about these sexually based problems. The rational was to acquaint
the youth with factual and accurate sexual information about the dimensions of
sexual knowledge that will enable them understand and clarify their personal
values, improve their sexual knowledge and sexual decision–making and
promote their knowledge about how all these interact with socio-cultural and
religious factors to affect personal well-being. This set of values sexuality
education was set to promote perhaps form part of the motivation for its
introduction into the Nigerian educational system. However, in view of the
predicament suffered by similar intervention packages such as
Population/Family-life Education it is relevant to examine the potentials for
success and failure of this nascent subject.
With this backdrop, this paper will examine the origin of the concept of sexuality
education, how it evolved in Nigeria and how well it is fairing in Nigeria. In doing
this, the paper will highlight on some conceptual perspectives of sexuality
education, identify its definition, its content and structure. The prospects and
challenges of sexuality education in Nigeria today will also be identified by
looking into the relationship between sexuality and; society and culture, socio-
economic status, ethics, communication, information, gender and the media.


Timely provision of accurate and comprehensive information and life skills training regarding sexual and reproductive health and rights (SRHR) is essential for adolescents to achieve sexual health and rights and avoid negative health outcomes. While sexuality education is just one component in a multifaceted approach to address, and ultimately improve, the sexual and reproductive lives of young people, it provides a structured opportunity for adolescents to gain knowledge and skills, to explore their attitudes and values, and to practice the decision making and other life skills necessary for making healthy informed choices about their sexual lives.

Abstinence-only education programs have shown little evidence of improving sexual and reproductive health (SRH) outcomes. In contrast, comprehensive sexuality education programs that recognize sexual activity during adolescence as normative behavior, that seek to ensure the safety of such behavior, and that focus on human rights, gender equality and empowerment have demonstrated impact in several areas: improving knowledge, self-confidence and self-esteem; positively changing attitudes and gender and social norms; strengthening decision-making and communication skills and building self-efficacy; and increasing the use of condoms and other contraceptives.

Adolescents’ sexual and reproductive health

Addressing the high levels of unprotected sexual activity, STIs (including HIV infection), early pregnancy and abortion among adolescents is a priority for program planners and policymakers in Kenya.
Despite efforts targeting these reproductive health issues, recent studies indicate a persistently high need for SRH information and services, further emphasizing the need for high-quality sexuality education.

Sexual activity

Nationally, more than a third of adolescents (those aged 15–19), whether married or not, have had sexual intercourse (37% of females and 41% of males), and about one-fifth are currently sexually active.

The median age at first intercourse is 18 for females and 17 for males, yet among 15–19-year-olds, 11% and 20% of each gender, respectively, initiated sex before age 15. In the three geographic areas included in the current study, adolescents living in Homa Bay county were more likely to initiate sex at an early age (24% of females and 39% of males) than were those living in Mombasa (6% and 26%, respectively) or Nairobi county (10% and 17%, respectively).

I’m working on a project to help create awareness for SRE, understanding sexuality and gender roles which will be premiering here on “maggy’s thoughts” so buckle up and stay tuned.

Yours truly