It has a name

Impromptu Syndrome

For weeks now, I have been feeling traumatized and somehow out of place but the funny thing was that I had no idea I was becoming a mess. Things around me were very normal and anyone would have termed me a liar if I told them that things were not as they seem. My heart and mind were heavy with overwhelming and crippling thoughts. If I were to try to point out specific issues, I would say that I felt like I had had enough of everything in life. It’s not like I was becoming suicidal, no, as a matter of fact, I was still hoping to live on, but I was not interested in anything else other than ensuring that day and night came and went by without me having to think about my life.

I remember telling a friend one time of how many things I had to do and accomplish, from blogging, reading, video editing, going out, and even with all that on my plate, it felt so empty and meaningless. Social media worsened this, I did not quite quit on that, and it felt like I was becoming addicted to it. I was slowly drowning in the virtual world that it somehow defined what and who I was becoming. However, this also came with its fair share of misery, I would look at what people were accomplishing on various platforms and suddenly this would make me snap back to reality. Young bloggers and writers winning awards, people becoming successful, and becoming better by day bothered and made me feel so unworthy of life.

This did not a tale from ten years ago; we are talking about the last three weeks. Things are however changing, and I am now actualizing what they say, that nothing lasts forever. My breakthrough came two days ago after reading a post by an amazing blogger,Made of Still as she is known. Her eye-opening post on Imposter Syndrome tapped into my soul and I become alive again with a new understanding of life. It turned out that all the feelings of uncertainty and confusion, feeling unworthy and rejecting myself, all this had and have a name to it, Impromptu Syndrome. 

Imposter syndrome can be defined as the idea that you are not as competent as others are or that you have become successful out of luck and not your effort or talent. It is characterized by the fears of being found out as a fraud like you do not belong where you are and you are purely there out of chance. According to Arlin Cuncic, some of the common signs of imposter syndrome include

  • Self-doubt
  • Berating your performance
  • Fear that you won’t live up to expectations
  • Overachieving
  • Attributing your success to external factors and other people

These are just but a few signs, so if the next time you do something and feel like you did not deserve the recognition for it, then it just might be the imposter syndrome. The important thing to note is that it is possible to overcome this and become the best at what you do.

Some of the ways to overcome the syndrome would be

  • Speaking out- The last thing to do is to think that we have to handle things alone. Pray about it, share it with others and it is most probable that together you will be able to come out of it victorious.
  • Do not rush things- take one step at a time; otherwise, it can become overwhelming by the day. Also, better results are likely to be achieved if you focus on an issue individually.  Take it one day at a time.
  • Use social media for the right purpose- taking long hours on social media can induce feelings of inferiority, which could be coming from comparison with other people.
  • Assess your thoughts- weigh whether your thoughts are rational or worth thinking about. Does it make sense to feel incompetent?

If you are feeling unworthy or like an imposter, it only means, that there is a level of success and capability in you, which you are attributing to chance. Instead, try turning that into an opportunity to thank and appreciate your efforts and find new motivation in it.

You can learn more about Imposter syndrome Here .

Maggy Sing a New Song

Maggy Sing a New Song

Hello, dear ones, I hope that all is well and that you are taking good care of yourself. I am not doing badly myself and I am grateful to be here.

I have gone missing for the last couple of weeks and this came after a series of issues I had to deal with which are now very much under control. I was on the verge of giving up on my writing, and I think the reason for this will be on my next post. You may wonder how or why am back here again and I am as surprised. I have found a new reason to continue with my journey as a writer and this happened a few nights ago.

I was going through some portion of the scripture and there an extraordinary conviction in my heart as I meditated on the word. The conviction came from Psalms 96:1, Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth. NIV. This came as a wake-up call from sleep I had no idea I was in at all. It was a call to start over, first in my spiritual life and every other aspect of my life. This has been so profound in my heart that I am now left with no choice but to start again or at least start from where I left off, provided I am starting again with a new form of energy.

I am learning that it is possible to start again, no matter how hard the impact of my fall might have been. It is no longer one of the theorized Maggys thoughts but one that is now prepared to realize practically. Some of the areas I am investing a new surge of energy includes,

  • Spiritually- I am cultivating a culture of prayer and communion with God. This is also happening as I read and meditate more on the Word of God.
  • Emotionally- I am learning to analyze emotions and give the necessary attention to those that matter and ignoring the rest. Of course, this is proving to be a bit harder than I thought but I am positive that I will be able to handle issues more confidently.
  • Physically- ha-ha, I have to admit that when it comes to resetting and starting over, physical health demands most of it.

Concisely I am trying to point out to you and me that it is possible and necessary to go back to the drawing board and if there are, things which need to change then so be it. Starting over is not as easy and most of the time it will require that we come out of some shell we may have grown comfortable in, but I believe that it becomes better to try than to stay there.

As Jennifer Elisabeth said,” Starting over can be the scariest thing in the entire world, whether it’s leaving a lover, a school, a team, a friend, or anything that feels like a core part of our identity. But when the gut is telling you that something here is not right or feels unsafe, I want you to listen and trust in that voice.

What Does Psalm 96:1 Mean?

Pursuit for Purpose

Mark Twain once said that the two most important days in a human life are, the day he is born and the day he realizes why. This really got me thinking of how much I celebrate the day I was born. It feels so special and I think that’s exactly how it should be.  But I am not sure whether I really know why I was born, to make changes in the world maybe, be the change, influence the world around me, all of these could pass off as the reason why I was born. I may not know exactly what my purpose is for now and I am hopeful that the road am taking will lead me there. I am also hoping that you my dear reader are also in pursuit for your purpose.

Knowing what we were created for changes the whole manner of our living and being alive. You will no longer need to do things with fear and uncertainty and most importantly you will not have to waste your time on the wrong people or things. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we were able to just wake up and do things knowing that whatever we are doing is what we should be doing? I know I would love to feel that. Sometimes it’s not easy to do things or pursue dreams especially when the road seems bumpy, and I have often times than not found myself opting for the easy way out.

The first step towards that journey is usually the hardest and I have had to learn this fact the hardest way. Not that I have taken all the first steps in life but the ones I have are a proof that the fear of the unknown is just in my head and that  I can do anything I put my mind to. I say this of course not being oblivious of the kind of real world we are living in. It only seems hard before you start it but after taking the leap of faith then the road seems clearer. 

The journey may not be easy but most important thing is that you tried and no matter how many the failures there maybe they are just a proof of the many trials and how much effort you put.

Meaning lies in action not the words

More than just words

Have you ever promised anyone a date and then on the due date you backed out? The number of times I have personally promised things to people is countless. We will plan to out and even go on to draft a budget and the dresns code but still when the day comes am like, no, I can’t make it, I am too busy, all of which are mere excuses. Or as we say in our home country, siwezi make, aki kuna ka-emergency, Leo aki kuna place nafaa kwenda let’s reschedule (Swahili for I can’t make it to our date). And the story continues…, I am almost certain that every one of us has a history of cancelled dates.

We have normalized “lying” for lack of a better word, such that we have excuses for every failed promise we make, and have made it look like a cool thing. Well it feels cool to just say anything to serve the purpose at the moment and never have to fulfill it. A greater percentage of people myself included are fond of making promises with every intention of convincing the other party that we are together, knowing very well that we have no intention of ever making the promises surface into a reality. And we actually feel okay about it. Si Ni life, loosely translated to mean, (iris watt iris). However funny that may sound, it most definitely carries some weight.

It is cool until you realize it is not so cool after all. It is okay for one to say that they do not care and just throw hands up and walk away. But for any rational person this could be a little serious than we perceive it to be.  I was going through some devotion a few days ago and from that one thing really stood out for me; that words are not just alphabetical letters arranged in a sequential manner. Words are carriers of life, words are transmitters of change and words are powerful instruments. 

That was like a whole new awakening process, not that I did not know that words carry more meaning but I hadn’t put much thought into it as I have lately. So for me the lesson am learning from this is that there is a need to construct a culture of accountability and trustworthiness;  for me to not just say things for the sake of it or just because it’s required of me. I am trying my best to keep promises or avoid making them all the same.

I forgive you but…..

Moving on does not mean moving out and as much as the statement sounds logical, it does not portray the truth I am seeking to address today.

I have been pondering on the topic of forgiveness and the healing process,and I have come up with some ways to help rid my heart the heavy burdens it has carried for a while now.

A friend of mine put up a question on her status wall, and I found myself drawing into her dm to respond. The question was, is it possible to fully forgive a person and never want them to be part of life? It was not the first time I encountered such a question but now more than ever I realized that it is more of a statement to me than a question.

Because it is very true that sometimes even after making peace with the people who may have wronged you, you still do not have the courage to make them your friends or keep them around. This as I would like to think and in my humble opinion  does not come from a place of hate or range, but it is just a way of acknowledging that you know what you want and what not in your life.

The mere presence of the already forgiven character would be toxic and sometimes even stir up some sort of rage in you. Not that you have not moved on, but we are human, and moving on does not necessarily mean that we forget things, in fact the human mind never forgets a wrong done. What happens is that we find other thoughts to replace the hurt ones and just flow with life. Again these are just Maggy’s Thoughts and I stand to be corrected.

It is enough to forgive, and I strongly derive that it is certainly possible to forgive and never want to have anything to do with the person. Sometimes life is better with new people and memories in it. We can move on, we can forgive and we have the choice of letting go.

Can you my dear reader forgive and choose to not have anything to do with the person? Drop your thoughts here 


What drives me?

Keep going

Hey lovelies, happy day, happy Monday make sure you are happy, so today we’ll do things differently and I hope you’ll be up to it as much as I am. I love telling stories and I am certain that am very good at it too (at least it has been said to be me a couple of times, talk about self esteem and confidence ha-ha). And so with all that in mind I will give you a story as a prelude to what I want us to talk about today.  So a few days ago I was having a heated discussion with my girl Essie and this came after the demise of one of my all time actor and hero, Chadwick Bose man aka king Tchalla, famous for his role in the Wakanda movie, may his soul rest in peace. A discussion ensued about how sudden his death was and how much nowadays untimely deaths of famous people are on the rise.

This continued for a while until we found ourselves deep into the topic of depression and self acceptance which are the reported attributing factors in the rising cases of premature deaths among the youth and mostly artists in our country. This goes without saying that we were getting caught up in the moment but then still in the moments of wondering, Essie asked me a question that seemed rather easy on the surface but was when I tried to answer it I became tongue tied. The question was, “what keeps you going?”

This question caught me rather off guard but I had to answer it all the same. And one of my responses was that sometimes I don’t have to think about what I am doing and I just do it and to my surprise the outcome is not always that bad. This comes from a place of self encouragement and asking I the major question of, “what do I have to lose? Or what would happen if I tried something new? And the answer to this lies in me trying to do it because there would be no way to find out.

 Secondly, is the fact that there will always be people around me to support me, and no matter how small the number is, there is an inner peace that comes from knowing this. This may not always be a great factor to motivate me because sometimes we feel so empty yet we are surrounded by many great people. But all the same it is enough to keep me going. This again is dependent on the kind of people I choose to be by my side. If at all I am surrounded by toxic friends then I have absolutely no right to expect anything else than toxicity from them.

The final response I had was finding a platform or some sort of safe space where I can always pour out my heart and soul. I found my very own space on Maggie’s thoughts and what this means is that I can write anything and clear my head in the event that I had no way to explain to anyone what I am feeling/ going through. And I really do feel the need to have all the above factors in my life.

Identify what keeps you going which could be a constant thing (s), or a progressive one, but make sure there are intent and a motive behind what you are doing. What keeps you going?

Good luck as you figure it out.

Be there.

Nothing beats the power of self care and self encouragement. Being there for one self is the greatest gift you could give you or so to say.

I have found over the years that going out to seek help and encouragement from others helped, but more to it, I felt much peace when I was able to offer the same to myself. This not to say that we do not need others, infact we do. No man is an island, but then being able to have peace and offer happiness to yourself is of great essence.

So choose today to love yourself more and choose yourself when no one picks you because there lies a great power within you. If you were to hate yourself today, what makes you think you’ll feel the love coming from other people? So rise up and start your day as your own beloved self.

Tight? I could use Tighter!

I was walking home one evening with my younger brother who is about 4, and those with kids can assert that at this age a million questions are asked each day. But that is besides the point, as we were walking home from town we passed near a very big open sewer line and apart from the obvious foul smell that came from it, there was also the danger of one slipping and falling into the open ditch. My baby brother Jose, as we call him could not help but shout at me to hold his hand tighter. Not that I was not holding it but he just felt unsafe and kept ranting at me to tighten my grip around his tiny hands.

I did as he said and it was not until I reached home that I realized how much that meant. It was more than just me holding his hand tighter; it made him feel safer and he could now walk without any fear of falling into the open sewer line. To me this was a physical illustration of how sometimes words of assurance have no effect and there comes the need for something more; being held tighter. A hug is said to do wonders and more than anything think about what a tight embrace would do. It is not always easy to comfort of encourage people when they are in distress but just being there and holding their hands tighter does the magic for you.

Many, myself included have at some point felt the need to be alone or rather the need to not hear anyone say anything to you. Often times it is not that the person is being rude or anything, but they just need to be held and not only that but be held tightly. We can all admit that warm tight embraces are worth far more than a million words of comfort. Is not wonderful to know that no matter what happens there is someone holding your hand tighter and preventing you from falling? Well be that someone today and maybe tomorrow there will be dozens of hands ready to hold you tighter.