Closure or need for closure (NFC) (used interchangeably with need for cognitive closure (NFCC)) are social psychological terms that describe an individual’s desire for a firm answer to a question and an aversion toward ambiguity. The term “need” denotes a motivated tendency to seek out information. -Wikkipedia When it comes to close and personal Relationships it’s always a matter of the heart, […]Closure
For weeks now, I have been feeling traumatized and somehow out of place but the funny thing was that I had no idea I was becoming a mess. Things around me were very normal and anyone would have termed me a liar if I told them that things were not as they seem. My heart and mind were heavy with overwhelming and crippling thoughts. If I were to try to point out specific issues, I would say that I felt like I had had enough of everything in life. It’s not like I was becoming suicidal, no, as a matter of fact, I was still hoping to live on, but I was not interested in anything else other than ensuring that day and night came and went by without me having to think about my life.
I remember telling a friend one time of how many things I had to do and accomplish, from blogging, reading, video editing, going out, and even with all that on my plate, it felt so empty and meaningless. Social media worsened this, I did not quite quit on that, and it felt like I was becoming addicted to it. I was slowly drowning in the virtual world that it somehow defined what and who I was becoming. However, this also came with its fair share of misery, I would look at what people were accomplishing on various platforms and suddenly this would make me snap back to reality. Young bloggers and writers winning awards, people becoming successful, and becoming better by day bothered and made me feel so unworthy of life.
This did not a tale from ten years ago; we are talking about the last three weeks. Things are however changing, and I am now actualizing what they say, that nothing lasts forever. My breakthrough came two days ago after reading a post by an amazing blogger,Made of Still as she is known. Her eye-opening post on Imposter Syndrome tapped into my soul and I become alive again with a new understanding of life. It turned out that all the feelings of uncertainty and confusion, feeling unworthy and rejecting myself, all this had and have a name to it, Impromptu Syndrome.
Imposter syndrome can be defined as the idea that you are not as competent as others are or that you have become successful out of luck and not your effort or talent. It is characterized by the fears of being found out as a fraud like you do not belong where you are and you are purely there out of chance. According to Arlin Cuncic, some of the common signs of imposter syndrome include
- Berating your performance
- Fear that you won’t live up to expectations
- Attributing your success to external factors and other people
These are just but a few signs, so if the next time you do something and feel like you did not deserve the recognition for it, then it just might be the imposter syndrome. The important thing to note is that it is possible to overcome this and become the best at what you do.
Some of the ways to overcome the syndrome would be
- Speaking out- The last thing to do is to think that we have to handle things alone. Pray about it, share it with others and it is most probable that together you will be able to come out of it victorious.
- Do not rush things- take one step at a time; otherwise, it can become overwhelming by the day. Also, better results are likely to be achieved if you focus on an issue individually. Take it one day at a time.
- Use social media for the right purpose- taking long hours on social media can induce feelings of inferiority, which could be coming from comparison with other people.
- Assess your thoughts- weigh whether your thoughts are rational or worth thinking about. Does it make sense to feel incompetent?
If you are feeling unworthy or like an imposter, it only means, that there is a level of success and capability in you, which you are attributing to chance. Instead, try turning that into an opportunity to thank and appreciate your efforts and find new motivation in it.
You can learn more about Imposter syndrome Here .
More than just words
Have you ever promised anyone a date and then on the due date you backed out? The number of times I have personally promised things to people is countless. We will plan to out and even go on to draft a budget and the dresns code but still when the day comes am like, no, I can’t make it, I am too busy, all of which are mere excuses. Or as we say in our home country, siwezi make, aki kuna ka-emergency, Leo aki kuna place nafaa kwenda let’s reschedule (Swahili for I can’t make it to our date). And the story continues…, I am almost certain that every one of us has a history of cancelled dates.
We have normalized “lying” for lack of a better word, such that we have excuses for every failed promise we make, and have made it look like a cool thing. Well it feels cool to just say anything to serve the purpose at the moment and never have to fulfill it. A greater percentage of people myself included are fond of making promises with every intention of convincing the other party that we are together, knowing very well that we have no intention of ever making the promises surface into a reality. And we actually feel okay about it. Si Ni life, loosely translated to mean, (iris watt iris). However funny that may sound, it most definitely carries some weight.
It is cool until you realize it is not so cool after all. It is okay for one to say that they do not care and just throw hands up and walk away. But for any rational person this could be a little serious than we perceive it to be. I was going through some devotion a few days ago and from that one thing really stood out for me; that words are not just alphabetical letters arranged in a sequential manner. Words are carriers of life, words are transmitters of change and words are powerful instruments.
That was like a whole new awakening process, not that I did not know that words carry more meaning but I hadn’t put much thought into it as I have lately. So for me the lesson am learning from this is that there is a need to construct a culture of accountability and trustworthiness; for me to not just say things for the sake of it or just because it’s required of me. I am trying my best to keep promises or avoid making them all the same.