Mark Twain once said that the two most important days in a human life are, the day he is born and the day he realizes why. This really got me thinking of how much I celebrate the day I was born. It feels so special and I think that’s exactly how it should be. But I am not sure whether I really know why I was born, to make changes in the world maybe, be the change, influence the world around me, all of these could pass off as the reason why I was born. I may not know exactly what my purpose is for now and I am hopeful that the road am taking will lead me there. I am also hoping that you my dear reader are also in pursuit for your purpose.
Knowing what we were created for changes the whole manner of our living and being alive. You will no longer need to do things with fear and uncertainty and most importantly you will not have to waste your time on the wrong people or things. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we were able to just wake up and do things knowing that whatever we are doing is what we should be doing? I know I would love to feel that. Sometimes it’s not easy to do things or pursue dreams especially when the road seems bumpy, and I have often times than not found myself opting for the easy way out.
The first step towards that journey is usually the hardest and I have had to learn this fact the hardest way. Not that I have taken all the first steps in life but the ones I have are a proof that the fear of the unknown is just in my head and that I can do anything I put my mind to. I say this of course not being oblivious of the kind of real world we are living in. It only seems hard before you start it but after taking the leap of faith then the road seems clearer.
The journey may not be easy but most important thing is that you tried and no matter how many the failures there maybe they are just a proof of the many trials and how much effort you put.
Have you ever promised anyone a date and then on the due date you backed out? The number of times I have personally promised things to people is countless. We will plan to out and even go on to draft a budget and the dresns code but still when the day comes am like, no, I can’t make it, I am too busy, all of which are mere excuses. Or as we say in our home country, siwezi make, aki kuna ka-emergency, Leo aki kuna place nafaa kwenda let’s reschedule (Swahili for I can’t make it to our date). And the story continues…, I am almost certain that every one of us has a history of cancelled dates.
We have normalized “lying” for lack of a better word, such that we have excuses for every failed promise we make, and have made it look like a cool thing. Well it feels cool to just say anything to serve the purpose at the moment and never have to fulfill it. A greater percentage of people myself included are fond of making promises with every intention of convincing the other party that we are together, knowing very well that we have no intention of ever making the promises surface into a reality. And we actually feel okay about it. Si Ni life, loosely translated to mean, (iris watt iris). However funny that may sound, it most definitely carries some weight.
It is cool until you realize it is not so cool after all. It is okay for one to say that they do not care and just throw hands up and walk away. But for any rational person this could be a little serious than we perceive it to be. I was going through some devotion a few days ago and from that one thing really stood out for me; that words are not just alphabetical letters arranged in a sequential manner. Words are carriers of life, words are transmitters of change and words are powerful instruments.
That was like a whole new awakening process, not that I did not know that words carry more meaning but I hadn’t put much thought into it as I have lately. So for me the lesson am learning from this is that there is a need to construct a culture of accountability and trustworthiness; for me to not just say things for the sake of it or just because it’s required of me. I am trying my best to keep promises or avoid making them all the same.
Moving on does not mean moving out and as much as the statement sounds logical, it does not portray the truth I am seeking to address today.
I have been pondering on the topic of forgiveness and the healing process,and I have come up with some ways to help rid my heart the heavy burdens it has carried for a while now.
A friend of mine put up a question on her status wall, and I found myself drawing into her dm to respond. The question was, is it possible to fully forgive a person and never want them to be part of life? It was not the first time I encountered such a question but now more than ever I realized that it is more of a statement to me than a question.
Because it is very true that sometimes even after making peace with the people who may have wronged you, you still do not have the courage to make them your friends or keep them around. This as I would like to think and in my humble opinion does not come from a place of hate or range, but it is just a way of acknowledging that you know what you want and what not in your life.
The mere presence of the already forgiven character would be toxic and sometimes even stir up some sort of rage in you. Not that you have not moved on, but we are human, and moving on does not necessarily mean that we forget things, in fact the human mind never forgets a wrong done. What happens is that we find other thoughts to replace the hurt ones and just flow with life. Again these are just Maggy’s Thoughts and I stand to be corrected.
It is enough to forgive, and I strongly derive that it is certainly possible to forgive and never want to have anything to do with the person. Sometimes life is better with new people and memories in it. We can move on, we can forgive and we have the choice of letting go.
Can you my dear reader forgive and choose to not have anything to do with the person? Drop your thoughts here
Hey lovelies, happy day, happy Monday make sure you are happy, so today we’ll do things differently and I hope you’ll be up to it as much as I am. I love telling stories and I am certain that am very good at it too (at least it has been said to be me a couple of times, talk about self esteem and confidence ha-ha). And so with all that in mind I will give you a story as a prelude to what I want us to talk about today. So a few days ago I was having a heated discussion with my girl Essie and this came after the demise of one of my all time actor and hero, Chadwick Bose man aka king Tchalla, famous for his role in the Wakanda movie, may his soul rest in peace. A discussion ensued about how sudden his death was and how much nowadays untimely deaths of famous people are on the rise.
This continued for a while until we found ourselves deep into the topic of depression and self acceptance which are the reported attributing factors in the rising cases of premature deaths among the youth and mostly artists in our country. This goes without saying that we were getting caught up in the moment but then still in the moments of wondering, Essie asked me a question that seemed rather easy on the surface but was when I tried to answer it I became tongue tied. The question was, “what keeps you going?”
This question caught me rather off guard but I had to answer it all the same. And one of my responses was that sometimes I don’t have to think about what I am doing and I just do it and to my surprise the outcome is not always that bad. This comes from a place of self encouragement and asking I the major question of, “what do I have to lose? Or what would happen if I tried something new? And the answer to this lies in me trying to do it because there would be no way to find out.
Secondly, is the fact that there will always be people around me to support me, and no matter how small the number is, there is an inner peace that comes from knowing this. This may not always be a great factor to motivate me because sometimes we feel so empty yet we are surrounded by many great people. But all the same it is enough to keep me going. This again is dependent on the kind of people I choose to be by my side. If at all I am surrounded by toxic friends then I have absolutely no right to expect anything else than toxicity from them.
The final response I had was finding a platform or some sort of safe space where I can always pour out my heart and soul. I found my very own space on Maggie’s thoughts and what this means is that I can write anything and clear my head in the event that I had no way to explain to anyone what I am feeling/ going through. And I really do feel the need to have all the above factors in my life.
Identify what keeps you going which could be a constant thing (s), or a progressive one, but make sure there are intent and a motive behind what you are doing. What keeps you going?
Nothing beats the power of self care and self encouragement. Being there for one self is the greatest gift you could give you or so to say.
I have found over the years that going out to seek help and encouragement from others helped, but more to it, I felt much peace when I was able to offer the same to myself. This not to say that we do not need others, infact we do. No man is an island, but then being able to have peace and offer happiness to yourself is of great essence.
So choose today to love yourself more and choose yourself when no one picks you because there lies a great power within you. If you were to hate yourself today, what makes you think you’ll feel the love coming from other people? So rise up and start your day as your own beloved self.
I was walking home one evening with my younger brother who is about 4, and those with kids can assert that at this age a million questions are asked each day. But that is besides the point, as we were walking home from town we passed near a very big open sewer line and apart from the obvious foul smell that came from it, there was also the danger of one slipping and falling into the open ditch. My baby brother Jose, as we call him could not help but shout at me to hold his hand tighter. Not that I was not holding it but he just felt unsafe and kept ranting at me to tighten my grip around his tiny hands.
I did as he said and it was not until I reached home that I realized how much that meant. It was more than just me holding his hand tighter; it made him feel safer and he could now walk without any fear of falling into the open sewer line. To me this was a physical illustration of how sometimes words of assurance have no effect and there comes the need for something more; being held tighter. A hug is said to do wonders and more than anything think about what a tight embrace would do. It is not always easy to comfort of encourage people when they are in distress but just being there and holding their hands tighter does the magic for you.
Many, myself included have at some point felt the need to be alone or rather the need to not hear anyone say anything to you. Often times it is not that the person is being rude or anything, but they just need to be held and not only that but be held tightly. We can all admit that warm tight embraces are worth far more than a million words of comfort. Is not wonderful to know that no matter what happens there is someone holding your hand tighter and preventing you from falling? Well be that someone today and maybe tomorrow there will be dozens of hands ready to hold you tighter.
Those familiar with the TED talks will immediately recognize the story behind this title. It is from a talk delivered by one famous African writer, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and I found the urge to speak/write about it too. I recently partnered with a very amazing and talented guy who also happens to be he a co-writer on my blog. I call him Dino because trying to pronounce his tribal name makes me sound very alien, ha-ha. I was very excited when I learnt that he wanted us to work together and you can imagine how mesmerized I was when I learnt that he was not from my country. It caught with utter surprise and I found myself thinking how lucky I was to work with a person from the other side of the globe, regardless of the distance.
My learning that he was Nigerian, came in with a lot of mixed reactions. As I mentioned I was excited and surprised at the same time. And then came the funny bit of me trying to sound Nigerian, I could be watching some Nollywood show on TV and then found myself paying close attention to the native language used with every intention of using it the next time I called Dino. And this happened for a while such that I could read books written by Nigerian authors and found myself feeling proud about it and thinking to myself that I was one step closer to knowing and relating with people from West Africa, how mistaken I was.
Dino laughed at me every time(he still does) I tried to say no wahala, nawa o,try me nah, and he would be like, “didyou just say that?’’, and I would boldly tell him I just did. And this went for a while until recently I said something that made me snap back into reality. I told Dino how much I knew about his people and he was very pissed (or so I think). He made it clear to me that just reading and watching materials related to his people does not actually make me part of them and neither does it mean that I now knew him I could be with them virtually but then it would take me a while to know and relate with them. You can imagine how ashamed I was that a whole I had judged a person by what I saw and heard about him.
It was certainly wrong for me to do so but still it was a lesson well learnt. I just had a single story that people from West Africa had a certain accent; they ate certain foods and dressed in a certain type of way, which was very inaccurate. It takes a lot more to get to know a person and in this case it means that I have to confront the reality of getting to know Dino personally, what he likes how he speaks, what his beliefs are and so on. And from there I can be in a position to say that I know my friend from West Africa. This is my story which many can resonate with, because without even mentioning it there is an instance where you have judged someone from the way they looked or from the way they sounded. I mean we have all at some point had a crush on someone because to us they sounded so good over the phone and later on were met with a rude shock. Where I come from there is a great deficiency which lies between what you see Versace what you really get. In other words, what you see is not what you get.
Getting to know someone in depth is very vital, it prevents so many future misunderstandings and makes it easier to harbor relationships. I can be sure to have a great time around my friend Dino since I have now decided to know him personally and not basing my knowledge of him on some assumptions. The process may not be that easy but it is very much worth the effort. In one of his very hilarious shows, Cedric the Entertainer once stated that you cannot go through life with your mind already made up about things or people you like or do not like, you are going to miss out on a lot of things. This means that the only way to change this is by actively making the effort to know them.
How we handle moments in our lives is a very crucial part of our whole being and personal growth. I say this because being able to handle situations especially those which may seem to really weigh our spirits down, requires a learned mind. Now there is a whole difference between a learned mind and an educated one.
Whereas a learned mind is that which doesn’t have to acquired from books and scroll and that the field of learning varies, an educated one has just but a specific field of training. Understanding this is key to being able to deal with matters. Again I stand to be corrected.
There comes a time when things will not go as we expect no matter how much effort we may be enunciating. And it is at this point that we really have to be on the look out on how we will handle these situations. From a day gone bad, to a relationship gone sour, it doesn’t matter the circumstance because in this case it a bad bad moment in one’s life.
Apparently in most cases no one teaches us how to deal with bad days, or how to act if we get rejected, or even how to behave in general if what we are looking for in life doesn’t seem to want be found. It’s a rough journey many of us have to endure alone behind closed doors. And this is often times than not the case, we prefer to wallow in our dismays and most of the time we do it in places where not many will see us lest we be termed as being sensitive.
But what if we taught our minds that it is not always going to be ok and that at some point the river has to meander. That is okay not to be okay, it is alright to feel vulnerable. What if in our life the lessons taught goes hand in hand with those of how to deal with bad days. We are not being oblivious of the fact that we should always hope for the best, but even in the midst of hoping there comes a point where we feel like hope doesn’t work out at all.
It is said also in the Holy Bible that “when you pass through the waters I will be with you”(Isaiah 43:2). What we are highlighting in the verse is the word when which is a conditional clause. The Bible doesn’t leave out the fact that we will go through trouble. So it true in life we will go through tough times, we will struggle, and most definitely we will all feel pain at some point.
Just like the Bible says that the Lord will be with you when you go through the worst of moments, it is very important to teach our minds that life cannot always go as we expect. There are bad days and there are good days. They are not always the same. And whether we like it or not we all have to go through all of them.