Breast ironing otherwise known breast flattening is a kind of female mutilation where a girl’s breast is pounded using hard or heated objects such as stones in order to make them disappear or stop growing. This culture of breast ironing originated from Cameroon and it was first publicly written about in 2006. Breast for most […]Breast ironing
Sometimes it becomes important to just step back alittle and tap yourself on your shoulder, and affirm strongly that you got this. We all need to hear positive affirmations about life, but better still being able to speak the same over our lives is vital.
Today choose positivity and speak it over your life, in every aspect of it.
I have this under control! I believe I can!
Redefining rape and consent.
We all know and maybe have a standard definition of what it means to be abused sexually, and from this definition, we form our opinions. However, it proves vital to look at the real meaning of this word because whether we know it or not there is more to it than just being taken to a dark room by a weird-looking person and then him forcing himself on you. There is more to it than just being lured into the bushes and being molested, there is certainly more to it than being drugged and finding yourself naked in an unknown location.
Gone are the days where we had to see tattered clothes for us to assert that rape has taken place. And in these recent days even seeing blood may not be proof enough that an act of sexual abuse took place. This being beside the point, it goes without saying that there is more to it. In this case one needs to know that there are various forms of rape and sexual abuse where some may go unnoticed by the victim, this to say that you may not be able to tell that you were raped.
The number one form is where there was consent yet the victim was bound and it is commonly known as the acquaintance rape. This is a clear case of, “it is either you do it or this and this will happen”, with this type of sexual abuse, the perpetrator would claim that he/she had consent yet the victim was in no position to say no. A good example would be this, a boy and a girl/lady find themselves in a lonely place together and immediately for one the idea is to have sex. The girl does not want to but because her boyfriend says so, she is confused about whether to give in or not and before she knows it, everything has already happened but she has no idea what exactly transpired.
Just because there was consent or just because you were coerced into it does not make it less of a sexual offense. You were raped and had no idea it was even rape. Most of the time the victims of this kind of rape have no idea that just because there was prior consent then they cannot say no. Remember that sexual consent can be revoked anytime. And to make it more palatable, just because you started it does not mean that you have to go all the way. If the deal was to just make out and he took it all the way, then most definitely that was rape.
The second one would be the marital type of rape which is closely related to the latter form. It happens between two married people. This could be a bit bewildering but it is most certainly true. Many would argue that the two are married and so there is every right for either of them to demand sex at any given time regardless of any circumstance. However, looking back at the standard definition of rape; the act of forcing sexual intercourse upon another person without his or her consent or against his or her will, there is a clear indication that irrespective of you being in a marriage, If your spouse takes or has sex with you without your consent, that is still rape which is, by all means, a great offense punishable by the law. Nobody whatsoever has the right over your body and better still over your sexuality.
The 3rd form is the incest form of rape. It is a sexual offense on its own both legally and morally and most times, it is still a regarded as rape. Since this form of sexual practice happens either between parents and children, uncles and nieces/nephews, or between aunts and nieces/nephews, then it can still be a form of rape. The law which varies between different states, most times punishes the perpetrators with rape charges. It is to be noted that family members account for 7% of all rape cases.
Rape may take many other forms but regardless there is a need for every victim to understand that it was never their fault but that of the rapist.
QUICK FACTS ABOUT CONSENT
- It should be a clear yes
- It is subject to change( just because the person consented to it one time does not mean that it will always be like that)
- It should be enthusiastic.
- It should be not be forced, i.e. It should be freely given.
- It should not be assumed.
I am not that much of a heavy sleeper, and so when my brother woke up today at around six am to watch TV I was very annoyed. I just do not understand how you can wake up that early and think of nothing else but watching TV loudly. It was rather annoying but when he tuned in to BBC (or so I think), the speaker drew my attention to listen in. It was Joe Biden, the US presidential Candidate.
Well, recalling all that he said would be a hard task for me, but even in my state of dizziness and annoyance, I could still remember him saying this, be still and go through the process. This I think would be the first most insightful thing to hear this morning apart from hearing my younger brother telling my mom that he is no longer four years old. This was insightful for me because as I thought about it, it dawned on me that the young man was somehow realizing that growth in time was taking place in him.
Now back to Joe Biden, the point I decided to take home was, going through the process. It had me thinking of how sometimes I pray and hope to start a new journey and whenever that happens, I always desire that it go by quickly so that I can start the next one and the cycle goes on.
I have often heard from one of my friends, Maggy, trust the process, and at that time, it makes no sense to me whatever she is saying. Now listening and thinking about two statements I feel like there’s more to it than just trusting and going through the process.
It means to me that I ought to stay and learn from every aspect of life, which now forms the process from one point to another. It means that there ought to be moments of learning, making mistakes, falling, rising, accepting, rejecting, and all these forms the process. Moreover, taking examples of my chemistry classes in high school, there was not any process that did not require serious analysis. I cannot just move from point A and go to C without going through B. Therefore, from this am deducing the importance of going through every step of every process I am going through.
Trust and go through the process of learning and growing.
I recently came across a quote in one of the blogs I was reading some days ago, and as concise as it seems it got me thinking hard. The quote read treasures do not lie at the surface. Moreover, as I carefully sought to understand this quote, it got more and more intense. From understanding the surface meaning of it, that you simply cannot find the treasure by digging a few feet into the ground, it began dawning on me that there was more to it than the eye could see and the mind could comprehend.
It got me thinking of how sometimes I do little things expecting big results, for example investing little time in my studies and later on expecting that the exam will be favorable to me. Watching trailers and thinking that I have watched the whole movie (this is debatable because it is sometimes more interesting to watch the trailer than the whole movie) and many other things I do with the hope of brighter days. I am sure am not alone in this, think about the things you have done knowing very well that they were not simply enough and still you expected to get the best out of them. Well, we are all human and we are bound to make mistakes, so it is only right to embrace those experiences and take lessons from them.
I am slowly coming to terms with what the quote means for me and how I live through life. Gradually I am learning that it is not enough to want to be great in life but there is a dire need to input in extra effort in what I do if at all I will want to see the great outcome. Although it may be time-consuming and tiring to give my best the result is worth all of it. It is a wake-up call for me to ensure always that whatever I give it all I have however how minute it may seem.
It is also possible for you my dear reader to step up and ensure that you do your best and love whatever it is you are doing, regardless of whether or not there is any form of appreciation. Looking back at what you have achieved and knowing that you gave it your best is a feeling more compelling than any other.
Decide to work hard today no matter what the circumstances may be. In your workplace, school, home, office, and anywhere else you may be called upon to invest your time and effort, do it diligently. Remember you cannot find treasure on the surface, and this means that you cannot find success by just sitting and hoping.
It will get better, it is already better, even when we cannot feel it somehow things are falling into place.
Trust the process and be ready for the journey. It may not be easy but as long as you are moving, as long as you are trying things will get better.
Faith as I have come to know, gives rest, believe today that things will go well with you. You cannot believe and worry at the same time, choose one.
Brighter days are coming, better times are yet to come, hold on to that hope and smile.
Hey Maggy, lets out today,’
And where might we be going?
Do not worry, by the end of the day you will feel happy and re-energized.
This was a conversation I had with a friend some days ago. With the promise of feeling happy at the end of the day, I gladly agreed to go out with my friends. I mean, who would not want to go home, feeling nostalgic?
To cut the long story short I went out and by the end of the day, I was very happy and kept wishing of having more of such days. That was healthy living according to me because as it is whatever makes you happy, then you ought to keep it. However, no sooner had I thought that I was on life’s right track than something knocked my thoughts off balance.
I am one to read random papers I come across and on this particular day, I found myself reading a piece of a magazine( this particular one was from Xpatlink Mag, April/May 2018#161) which had been used to wrap the meat I had bought earlier on, on one of my shopping sprees. If you are from Kenya, you know the serious roles played by old newspapers and magazines especially in butcheries. That aside, the content on the tattered piece of magazine lured me in, and for a minute or two; I was busy staring hard at the paper.
The article had the title, ‘The 10 Daily Habits of Happy People’, and well, you now know why I was easily drawn in. after reading and trying my best to internalize each of the 10 points it suddenly dawned on me that all my life I have been making a very serious mistake. Which mistake might this be Maggy? Some things made me believe or rather I have made me believe that happiness should be an end result of the things I do
Meaning that I live and so do many, we live life thinking that we should do things, which will make us happy at the end of the day. This is not wrong until you realize that happiness is a constant experience and feeling rather than a goal achieved at the end of the day. And so the narrative now changes, do what keeps you happy all the time. Not just once, but all the time, it should not be limited by the time of day or anything like that.
This was a whole new awakening process for me, not only did I want to be happy, but also the concept of staying happy no matter what stuck in my head.
The 10 daily habits as I found out were
- Treat yourself with kindness
- Let go of petty issues
- Take time to recharge and be alone
- Unplug when needed.
- Keep up an organization in a physical and mental space
- Stay in the present
- Allow yourself to feel emotions
- Put wishes into actions
- Exercise and eat healthy
- Practice good decision-making.
We go through life with the hope that what we do today will help us in our later days, hoping that brighter days are coming. This is by all means very good and a healthy kind of living because without hope life would just be formless. It is right to look into the past and reflect on one or two things, and most certainly it seems right to look into the future and hope for better days.
It is however important to live in the present and look at matters as they happen as this will largely influence what is to come. Living in today and making choices for the present would not hurt a bit in fact it shows just how strong you are in life. Tomorrow might be too late for us to do some things so it is just right that I do them now. As they say, there is no perfect condition so now is the perfect time and today is the perfect day to take action.
For weeks now, I have been feeling traumatized and somehow out of place but the funny thing was that I had no idea I was becoming a mess. Things around me were very normal and anyone would have termed me a liar if I told them that things were not as they seem. My heart and mind were heavy with overwhelming and crippling thoughts. If I were to try to point out specific issues, I would say that I felt like I had had enough of everything in life. It’s not like I was becoming suicidal, no, as a matter of fact, I was still hoping to live on, but I was not interested in anything else other than ensuring that day and night came and went by without me having to think about my life.
I remember telling a friend one time of how many things I had to do and accomplish, from blogging, reading, video editing, going out, and even with all that on my plate, it felt so empty and meaningless. Social media worsened this, I did not quite quit on that, and it felt like I was becoming addicted to it. I was slowly drowning in the virtual world that it somehow defined what and who I was becoming. However, this also came with its fair share of misery, I would look at what people were accomplishing on various platforms and suddenly this would make me snap back to reality. Young bloggers and writers winning awards, people becoming successful, and becoming better by day bothered and made me feel so unworthy of life.
This did not a tale from ten years ago; we are talking about the last three weeks. Things are however changing, and I am now actualizing what they say, that nothing lasts forever. My breakthrough came two days ago after reading a post by an amazing blogger,Made of Still as she is known. Her eye-opening post on Imposter Syndrome tapped into my soul and I become alive again with a new understanding of life. It turned out that all the feelings of uncertainty and confusion, feeling unworthy and rejecting myself, all this had and have a name to it, Impromptu Syndrome.
Imposter syndrome can be defined as the idea that you are not as competent as others are or that you have become successful out of luck and not your effort or talent. It is characterized by the fears of being found out as a fraud like you do not belong where you are and you are purely there out of chance. According to Arlin Cuncic, some of the common signs of imposter syndrome include
- Berating your performance
- Fear that you won’t live up to expectations
- Attributing your success to external factors and other people
These are just but a few signs, so if the next time you do something and feel like you did not deserve the recognition for it, then it just might be the imposter syndrome. The important thing to note is that it is possible to overcome this and become the best at what you do.
Some of the ways to overcome the syndrome would be
- Speaking out- The last thing to do is to think that we have to handle things alone. Pray about it, share it with others and it is most probable that together you will be able to come out of it victorious.
- Do not rush things- take one step at a time; otherwise, it can become overwhelming by the day. Also, better results are likely to be achieved if you focus on an issue individually. Take it one day at a time.
- Use social media for the right purpose- taking long hours on social media can induce feelings of inferiority, which could be coming from comparison with other people.
- Assess your thoughts- weigh whether your thoughts are rational or worth thinking about. Does it make sense to feel incompetent?
If you are feeling unworthy or like an imposter, it only means, that there is a level of success and capability in you, which you are attributing to chance. Instead, try turning that into an opportunity to thank and appreciate your efforts and find new motivation in it.
You can learn more about Imposter syndrome Here .
Maggy Sing a New Song
Hello, dear ones, I hope that all is well and that you are taking good care of yourself. I am not doing badly myself and I am grateful to be here.
I have gone missing for the last couple of weeks and this came after a series of issues I had to deal with which are now very much under control. I was on the verge of giving up on my writing, and I think the reason for this will be on my next post. You may wonder how or why am back here again and I am as surprised. I have found a new reason to continue with my journey as a writer and this happened a few nights ago.
I was going through some portion of the scripture and there an extraordinary conviction in my heart as I meditated on the word. The conviction came from Psalms 96:1, Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth. NIV. This came as a wake-up call from sleep I had no idea I was in at all. It was a call to start over, first in my spiritual life and every other aspect of my life. This has been so profound in my heart that I am now left with no choice but to start again or at least start from where I left off, provided I am starting again with a new form of energy.
I am learning that it is possible to start again, no matter how hard the impact of my fall might have been. It is no longer one of the theorized Maggys thoughts but one that is now prepared to realize practically. Some of the areas I am investing a new surge of energy includes,
- Spiritually- I am cultivating a culture of prayer and communion with God. This is also happening as I read and meditate more on the Word of God.
- Emotionally- I am learning to analyze emotions and give the necessary attention to those that matter and ignoring the rest. Of course, this is proving to be a bit harder than I thought but I am positive that I will be able to handle issues more confidently.
- Physically- ha-ha, I have to admit that when it comes to resetting and starting over, physical health demands most of it.
Concisely I am trying to point out to you and me that it is possible and necessary to go back to the drawing board and if there are, things which need to change then so be it. Starting over is not as easy and most of the time it will require that we come out of some shell we may have grown comfortable in, but I believe that it becomes better to try than to stay there.
As Jennifer Elisabeth said,” Starting over can be the scariest thing in the entire world, whether it’s leaving a lover, a school, a team, a friend, or anything that feels like a core part of our identity. But when the gut is telling you that something here is not right or feels unsafe, I want you to listen and trust in that voice.